IFS and Somatics: The Intersection That Cultivates Healthy Acceptance

22 May IFS and Somatics: The Intersection That Cultivates Healthy Acceptance

Acceptance is more than just tolerating a situation—it’s a complex emotional and embodied state that can take weeks, months, or even years to reach. In life, we’re often faced with realities we didn’t choose—money challenges, illness, heartbreak—that ask us to accept without giving up. It’s important to note that acceptance is not the same as passivity, especially in cases of abuse or injustice. Sometimes, acceptance simply means recognizing that a situation is harmful and needs to change—even when that change feels out of reach.

But why is acceptance so difficult? And how can we access it in a way that feels empowering rather than forced, whilst honouring our feelings?

Why Acceptance Feels So Hard

In modern culture, acceptance is sometimes presented as a quick fix to emotional pain. When someone is suffering—from chronic illness, trauma, or loss—the suggestion to “just accept it” can feel invalidating, especially when it comes from someone who hasn’t experienced the same struggle. I know this personally: after years of living with chronic illness, I found acceptance to be one of the hardest, most elusive goals. I battled not only physical struggle but intense emotions and feelings of powerlessness and isolation.

What I’ve learned is that acceptance isn’t about inner strength or stoicism. It’s a layered, embodied process—and it begins with noticing what gets in the way.

Radical Acceptance

One approach which some find helpful is Radical Acceptance, a concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Marsha Linehan. Tara Brach, a well-known meditation teacher, also offers a similar solution: combining mindfulness with self-compassion. First, we clearly recognize what’s happening; then, we respond with tenderness rather than judgment. Brach uses storytelling to illustrate how people have moved through deep pain using this approach—showing us how powerful it can be to connect with our shared humanity.

Mindfulness: Creating Space

Mindfulness can help us “unblend” from intense feelings, creating space between our identity and our experience. But this is only part of the process. True acceptance also means turning toward difficult emotions—grief, rage, fear—and holding them with compassion. This can be especially hard if compassion feels out of reach, or if emotions linger without resolution. Where can those intense feelings go? How can we receive them somatically, through the body?

The Role of Resistance

At the root of difficulty with acceptance is resistance—a tangled mix of thoughts, emotions, and physical tension. Often, we try to fix or suppress this resistance, but what if we turned toward it instead? Start by noticing where resistance lives in your body. Imagine taking a torch and going inside yourself being curious about is there. What sensations come up? Does that resistance have a shape, temperature, or texture? What emotions come up from that place?

This is where Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic practices offer a transformative path.

IFS and the Power of Self

IFS teaches that the mind is made up of “parts”—sub-personalities that protect or carry wounds from past experiences. There are Exiles (hurt, vulnerable parts) and Protectors (parts that shield us from emotional pain). At our core, though, is the Self—a wise, compassionate, and grounded state of being that can lead and heal.

When we’re stuck in resistance, it’s often a part of us that’s speaking—a scared, angry, or grieving part. In IFS, there are no bad parts; each one is doing its best to protect us. When we connect with our true Self energy, we can listen without judgment, and give those parts what they’ve always needed: understanding, presence, and relief from their burdens.

Somatic Practice: Meeting the Body

Through somatic work, we can engage with parts in a tangible way. Rather than processing everything cognitively, we meet what arises through the body—through breath, touch, movement, and sound. This helps us track sensation, emotion, and energy in a more complete and embodied way. IFS and somatics together create a multidimensional map—emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental—that allows us to meet resistance with presence and

A Practice to Explore Resistance

Try this gentle exercise..

Sit comfortably and become aware of your body—your feet on the floor, the support of your seat.

Bring to mind a situation you’re struggling to accept. What sensations arise? What emotions?

Notice and describe these sensations (e.g., “tight jaw,” “pressure in the chest,” “feeling of frustration”). This is a part of you.

Ask this part:

• What do you want me to know?

• What are you afraid of?

• What do you need from me?

Let the answers arise naturally. If another part surfaces, which will show up as a different emotion or sensation, repeat the process. Repeat the process until you have met all parts related to the issue at hand. When you’re done, thank each part and return your awareness to the room. Over time, this map of parts gives you insight into the deeper layers of your resistance—layers that need care, not control.

Empowerment Within Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean helplessness. Even in the face of chronic illness or loss, we can ask: What can I still choose? When I accepted my own health limitations, I also found empowerment in exploring what helped—nutrition, rest, boundaries. In a breakup, perhaps empowerment looks like setting clear terms or protecting what matters to you.

This is where acceptance shifts from passive to active. Feeling agency—even in small ways—activates the nervous system toward mobilization, rather than collapse. It invites us into a state of empowered engagement with our reality.

Your Version of Reality

Finally, be cautious when others try to impose their version of acceptance on you. If someone says you need to “be realistic” and accept limits that don’t align with your truth, it’s okay to say no. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreeing with others’ constraints. It means owning your inner reality—and from there, choosing how to move forward.