When Dissociation is your home away from home

05 Aug When Dissociation is your home away from home

Zoning out, going “spacey” or sleepy, numbing, “stepping out” of the experience, disconnecting. Does it sound familiar to you? It’s a common response to over stimulation, overwhelm either emotionally, physically, mentally or all. Deb Dana refers to our “other” go-to state apart from being calm and connected as our home away from home , referring to the protection response state that we habitually go into when we feel threatened, overwhelmed and unable to stay fully present with an experience.

It’s not wrong or bad

In its essence, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dissociating or disconnecting from being present with an experience, in fact its your bodyminds way to protect you from feeling too much in that moment. Mostly its painful or deeply unpleasant experiences that we want to disconnect from, but sometimes it can also be exciting, pleasurable or fun experiences too. Sometimes our system is so chronically stressed (or traumatised) that any intense emotional experience can be too much for us and our window of tolerance (where we feel safe and connected emotionally and sensationally) has a relatively small bandwidth.

Chronic Disconnection

Chronic dissociation patterns in our nervous system can be problematic for us in the long term, affecting our energy levels, our physical health (eg .immune issues, migraines), our mental health (depression) and our relationships – it can be tricky to be in relationship when we struggle to stay in relationship with ourselves, our experiences and our emotions.

You may even struggle to stay connected whilst reading this article about dissociation if disconnection is your pattern. So I invite you to maybe take a slow deep inhale and take a look around the space that you are in, slowly gazing at the mundane objects, exhaling slowly out. …and now let’s continue.

Who

Dissociation patterns are common in people with chronic health conditions due to the consistent and invasive nature of symptoms, daily challenges, repeated medical interactions with tests, consultations, hospitals and treatments or operations. You may also have chronic dissociation from attachment issues, emotional or physical abuse or other types of acute or chronic stress or trauma.

So how to begin to work with dissociation?

1. Firstly we approach our disconnection without labelling it as wrong or bad – the more we chastise the part of us that feels like it needs to do that, the more rejection and disconnection we create. So accessing feelings of compassion and understanding is helpful.
2. Be patient with yourself – dissociation response needs time and no pressure; working slowly is key.
3. Try allowing the dissociation to just be there – notice the disconnection and give it all the space and time it needs. Be gently curious about it – notice it in or in relationship to your body: what does the disconnection feel like? Where do you notice it in your body most? What temperature do you notice? Maybe you get an image come up. And then gently bring yourself back to your room, opening your eyes if they were closed, and feel the ground firmly under your feet.
4. You can try connecting to a sense of pleasure or “okay-ness” as your first attempt to stay in connection, especially if number 3 above was a bit too much at this point for you. Try slowly brushing your fingertips with your thumb of the same hand – notice the texture, temperature and pressure between your thumb and fingertips. Could you stay present with that for a moment?
5. Try leaning into a wall, the back of a chair or lying on the floor to feel a sense of support. Notice the points of contact between your body and the surface, noticing how it feels to give your weight into something strong and constant. Maybe slowly make tiny rolls side to side, noticing how in connection there is still room to make choices, to move, to have agency to move closer into or pull away when you want.

Try to have fun and no expectation with these little exercises. If you want further help with dissociation patterns you can contact me for a free initial consultation to see if 1-2-1 facilitated sessions with me could help.

Tina Clarke Wellness

Somatic facilitator

tina@tinaclarkewellness.com